17-year-old refuses to cook meals for his estranged 28-year-old brother and his 3 kids after he ignored him his entire life: 'He ignores my birthdays, he ignores me at Christmas, he never invites me to parties.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Nov 18, 2025 8:00 PM EST

Why should a teenager take care of somebody 11 years his senior?

We all have those family members who need help. Whether that be with housing, mental health, or making a steady income, it's clear that they can't fully take care of themselves in the way they ought to. It's difficult to know exactly how to help someone like that without enabling their bad behavior. If they're spending all of their money on junk to the point where they can't pay their rent, giving them more money for them to waste probably isn't going to help them change their situation. If they can't pay their rent, letting them live under your roof rent free indefinitely is not going to be the push they need to

The best thing you can do for someone who is struggling is an act of service. Driving someone who has had their license suspended to the meetings they're required to go to is a great way to help someone without enabling them. But nobody who is unable to take care of themselves should be tasked with acts of service for a struggling family member.

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  • Caucasian man cooking in the kitchen
    via Curated Lifestyle

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The older brother in this story is not a great dude. He's spent his whole life ignoring his younger brother and blaming him for all of his problems. Now that he's struggling with supporting his family, he wants his 17-year-old brother to regularly cook meals for them.

  • Am I the bad guy for refusing to help my brother and sister-in-law while they're struggling by meal prepping a few meals a week for them and their kids?

    I (17m) have an older brother "James" (28m) who's married to "Erica" and has three kids with another on the way. Me and James don't have a relationship. I feel like he resents me for being born or like I stole our parents from him or something because he was always a huge jerk to me.
    via u/Thesooo
  • I'm talking putting stuff where I couldn't reach them when I was little, locking me in my room because he could and dropping me off at the neighbors house when he agreed to babysit and was getting paid for it me so our parents could go out.
    via u/Thesooo
  • When James met Erica she was a jerk to me too. She made fun of the walk I talk because of my stutter and she ignored me unless our parents were there. For a while my parents and James had a bad relationship because of how he (and Erica later) treated me. But they made up and became close again and stayed close even when he didn't invite me to his wedding.
    via u/Thesooo
  • He/they ignore my birthdays, they ignore me at Christmas, they never invite me to parties they throw and it's not an age thing because kids younger than me get invited. It's all a me thing.
    via u/Thesooo
  • Family enjoying time they're spending together in the backyard barbecue
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I asked James why he hates me and he ignored me and when I tried to push him to answer he laughed in my face and told me to get away from him.
    via u/Thesooo
  • James and Erica have their three kids, who I don't know btw, and they've another on the way. Erica's had a rough pregnancy and my parents help keep their house clean and stuff on weekends and they have sent them money. But my parents don't really cook much.
    via u/Thesooo
  • And I cook usually on Sundays and meal prep lunches for school and other stuff. I pay for the ingredients I use because I don't really like the stuff mom and dad sometimes buy and it's sometimes because we/they mostly eat takeout for dinner.
    via u/Thesooo
  • Friends eating chow mein together
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • James started asking for food so Erica and him didn't need to worry about that so much. My parents said I should do it since I meal prep already and James said it would be perfect. My parents said to use the stuff they buy and meal prep for James' family but I
    via u/Thesooo
  • told them I won't put my time into making food for people who treat me like shit. My parents said they're still our family and James was like wtf why are you okay with hurting my family when our parents told him.
    via u/Thesooo
  • My parents said they were very disappointed in me and this was the chance to build some bridges. AITAH?
    via u/Thesooo
  • Both Treacle7534 nta its not the victims job to try to start building bridges... Something your parents have to know already
    via u/BothTreacle7534
  • Thesooo OP They don't care about that. He could do worse and they'd still ask me to do this for them. I would have thought refusing to invite me to his wedding would have said it all but no.
    via u/Thesooo
  • BlazingSunflowerland Tell your parents that you are disappointed that your brother has always been your bully and disappointed in them that they let it happen.
    via u/BlazingSunflowerland
  • MarsupialSpirited596 Theres an 11 year age difference here. I have the same age difference with my sister. You have to be a special type of psychopath to be 15- 18 and bully a 4-7 year old. At that age my sister and I would play Skyrim, i'd read Pearcy Jackson to her, in a blanket fort I built for us.
    via u/MarsupialSpirited596
  • tomboynik I feel this. I am 16 and 11 years older than my two sisters. I was a third parent. My sisters and I are close to this day because of those times. I couldn't imagine bullying them. I could imagine being irritated with my parents for having to babysit all the time, but it was never something with my sisters.
    via u/tomboynik
  • SeaworthinessDue8650 Ask your parents why they never forced him to invite you to the wedding? He is not your family because he chose not to be. Tell your parents that they cann cook for their favourite child ΝΤΑ
    via u/SeaworthinessDue8650
  • texan-yankee Yep, if OP was family to him, he would have been invited to the wedding. If OP was family, he would have met his nieces/nephews. If OP was family, his birthday would be acknowledged.
    via u/texan-yankee
  • Buttered_Crumpet09 When James asks why you want to punish his family, tell him that you aren't. You're just treating him with the same level of concern and consideration that he and his wife have always treated you with. Ask him when he's ever done or said anything nice or kind for you, and then ask him why he and his wife have always sought to punish you simply for existing.
    via u/Buttered_Crumpet09
  • As for your parents, they've happily allowed their golden boy and his wife to treat you horribly, and they allow them to treat you like you aren't part of their family. So why should you put your time into helping your bullies and their children who you don't even know? Yes, family helps family, but your brother has made it clear that you aren't his family at all, so they don't get to play that card now.
    via u/Buttered_Crumpet09
  • Trailsya NTA Your parents are disgusting for even asking that after all they did. Your brother and SII are bullies. They are also stupid, having so many kids when they clearly can't take care of them. Your big brother is the problem child and very often parents make the other sibling do stuff to help the problem child.
    via u/Trailsya
  • I would personally say something like that you're deeply sad and maybe even traumatized (if that's the case) by how they treated you. Ask for therapy if that's what you want. In other words, make their behavior towards you, everyone's problem. Totally fine to cry if they try to belittle this and say being bullied that way is affecting you. You might even want to talk to a school councillor about it. The way your family treats you is not normal Your brother and SIL's stupid decision to have this
    via u/Trailsya
  • Thesooo OP I talked to my school counselor about the homes issues before. The only reason it came up in the first place is because teachers remember my brother and asked me about him and I'd be honest that I don't know how he's doing because we don't talk and it raised concern. She asked me if I tried speaking to my parents and when I said yeah we went through what I said and what they said and she realized that there was zero point in trying more. My parents don't want to get me my own therapis
    via u/Thesooo

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parents of teens teens family drama meals cooking brother sibling rivalry teenagers siblings reddit story older brother sister in law family sibling younger brother
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